An Apple Ate My Brain!

Okay now seriously.

How am I not supposed to feel like a techno-prescient oracle, considering the following:

1. I have long said that I would only get a cell-phone when a device was developed that met all of my portable digital needs:

- Phone
- Music
- PDA
- Web Browser/Email
- Nintendo Hand-held Gaming System

2. NINTENDO IS DEVELOPING GAMES FOR THE IPHONE!!.

Okay, so the evidence is paltry. But seriously... how amazing if it were true?

And why not really - I've also long said that Macintosh and Nintendo are very similar in their business approach and company personality. To whit:

- long-lasting in highly-competitive tech industries, without majority market share

- highly entrepreneurial/innovative development model - track record of inventing revolutionary products (iPod, Wii, Macintosh 128K, GameBoy etc.)

- some high profile failures (GameCube, Macintosh TV)

- clean, minimalist design aesthetic, with tendencies toward 'cute' imagery

- etc. etc.

In other cool links, check out the Evolution of Apple Products:



And while you're at it - PC World's initial response to the iPhone points to 10 things they did well, and 10 things that need improvement for the next generation. Which is when I'd better have one of these in my hot little hands...

Cupcake Porn!

Okay, so maybe that's a tad sensational. But what else can you call these photos of amazing, droolworthy, over-the-top creations, which could keep a girl up aaaall night?



And, check out these cupcakes, done by a girl from Seattle. Pretty much the best ever.



See more of her amazing stuff on her flickr site - including a Nintendo DS cake! She's everything I would like to be.

See more at:

Cupcakes Takes the Cake :: fantastic cupcake blog

Realising Nuala :: cupcake/bakery blog from Singapore

Cupcake Momma :: a flickr set of amazing cupcakes

Kylie Lambert :: another flickr set of - you guessed it - amazing cupcakes

You're welcome!

Nintendo Power!

Okay, there's so much awesome Super Mario stuff happening right now that I might as well start punching bricks and waiting for the coins to come out.
Let's start with the games:

1. Super Paper Mario for the Wii comes out THIS WEEK!

Paper Mario is an incredible series - Paper Mario - Thousand Year Door for the GameCube was the best Mario game since Super Mario World.

So can the build for the wii be anything but awesome? If you answered yes - come over here and say that. I will throw a turtle at you.


Next week's voicemail message: I'm sorry, but The Beckstar can't come to the phone this month. She's too busy smoking weed and playing Paper Mario in her underwear. If this is the Medical Supply centre calling, yes I do still need that tensor bandage in size: thumb.

2. The trailer just launched for Super Mario Galaxy!!!

The Game Developers Conference happened about a month ago, so yes, I know I'm a bit slow to the game, but daaaamn.

As usual, Nintendo stole the show and showed those platforms which will not be named the real meaning of gigaflop.


Super Mario in outer space. You know, it's a good thing I adore nerds, or I'd never have sex again.

3. Shigeru Miyamoto did his first GDC keynote speech in 8 years.

Okay, so Shigeru Miyamoto is, straight up, a king among men.

Haven't heard of him? Well, this legend created what I consider the definitive A-List of video game heroes: Mario. Zelda. Donkey Kong. He's designed pretty much every game featuring these characters, as well as tons more. He's been a creative leader on basically every system/console Nintendo has put out.

If you don't know - now you know.

This man is seriously my hero. Below is the first of nine components of his fascinating keynote address at the Game Developer's Conference. Gamers - welcome to your post-graduate school.


My favourite line: "Do they have cats in Guatemala?" - that one's in part 2.

4. Koji Kondo tickles ivories

Okay, so this isn't quite as mind-altering as the last three, but Koji Kondo has basically scored all the games that Miyamoto has created, and you've got to give some respect to the man responsible for probably the most ubiquitous video game soundtrack ever.

What human born after 1970 can't hum the entire Mario theme at the drop of a wrench?

He performed a bunch of these songs at GDC, and the performance is worth watching just to see the master in action.


Midi music has never sounded so beautiful.

And besides, if it wasn't for Kondo, we wouldn't have this remarkable moment:


This guy is totally playing at my unlikely fictional future wedding

Rube Goldberg meets Nintendo

Dear Penthouse: I'd just defeated Bowser when...

Okay now seriously.

A basement-recorded hip hop track about getting Mario laid, set to visuals from various Nintendo games?

It's like my subconscious has a YouTube account.


Note: This video is NSFW. Which means Not safe for work, BTW.
Which means by the way, FYI.
Which means For your information. I'm just saying!

I demand more nerd girls!

Packaging Girlhood is a great blog concerned with marketing aimed at girls. They just released their Best & Worst Marketing Campaigns of 2006 list, and it's a pretty good audit.

On the loser list, the disturbing Bratz Party Plane, which I'm sure all junior spoiled slutz enjoyed opening this holiday season. The whole Bratz line is particularly repulsive, not to mention their line of padded bras for six-year olds.


Accessories included: cup holders; nail polish applicator; smoothies; hair gel; crimper; make-up case; mascara.

Accessories they should have included: lapdance chair; tanning bed; wheel of appetite-suppressants; morning-after-pills; I'm an exotic dancer because daddy didn't love me t-shirt.

Grossest.

On to the winners list, my peeps at Nintendo get props for the game Super Princess Peach, which I enjoyed playing immensely this year, and which did have a fantastic commercial:


Go Pink Power!

Having said that, on a feminist level, I wasn't sure what to make of this game. Princess Peach's powers come from her emotions - anger turns her to fire, sadness makes her shoot tears, joy makes her fly etc. Isn't that reinforcing the stereotypes that girls are more emotional than logical, and that our uncontrollable feelings make us unreliable - one of the classic arguments against promoting women in the workplace?

Another winner, and a program I have been a big fan of for a while, is the Girl Scouts Girls Go Tech campaign. It's so critical to teach young girls that technology is cool, because, well, technology is hella cool! How great is this ad:


Baby's smarter than daddy!

Driving young girls less toward lame lip gloss crap, and more into awesome science and adventure crap, will make more Natalie Portmans, and less Tara Reids. And really, isn't that something we all want?


Seriously people. Think about the children.

There's also a great CBC Marketplace piece on this issue - Buying into Sexy.

Let's all make it a mission to make more nerd girls this millenium. Hear that pregnant moms-to-be? I'm looking at you, Willow and Nikki! Don't think Auntie Beckstar won't be popping in with her Lego Robotics kits!

Live Action Video Games!

Why is anything digital rendered in live action so so very awesome?


Live Pac Man is obviously the coolest thing ever. I love Japanese television. And beating video game characters with sticks, naturally.


And of course, we have the great Super Mario live action performance from Gordon College. These guys should make the Dean's List just for this one effort.

Remember the Acapella Nintendo? Same general family of fantastic.

6 of the 50 Greatest Ads of the ’80's

So Giant Magazine has put together a long shortlist of the 50 Greatest Commercials of the 1980's. Awesome.

There are quite a few to get through, so I've pulled my six particular favourites here... enjoy!


Sadly, the My Buddy campaign, as I remember it, was used mainly to tormet less popular kids. Along the lines of 'Who are you going to the dance with? Your My Buddy?'


Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Nintendo + Terrible Product Rap?


On a 'creepy scale' from 1 to 10, this ad came in at 30, raped numbers one through four, and has the rest of them chained to its radiator.


Early cell-phone ad... You've got the whole world in your hand... which can only move about three feet from your car. And costs $800. See? They've been marketing to me 1988, and I still refuse to own a cellphone. I am the last unicorn.


The joke's on you, mustache dad. I'm not totally sure why a dad that smokes pot himself would be so aggro about his child's use, but hey - it was the 80's. Things didn't make sense.


Uh... hello? Shatner plus the Wonder Computer of the 1980's. And it was only $300. Take that Hundred Dollar Laptop crew.

Wii don't need no hi def.

So the Wii, Nintendo's newest hottest console launched today.

Scott and I were going to line up and buy one, but he had to work so we didn't have a chance to. We probably will, despite KT's strong resistance, although since finding out Super Mario Galaxy isn't launching until March, the Beckstar isn't so sure she needs to get down on it immediately.

So yeah... I have a bunch of other reasons that this gaming system is totally rad, and why Nintendo rocks, but frankly, I've been loading content into a website for about 9 hours now. Let's call this a placeholder until my hands are no longer hardening into qwerty-claws.

My friends are amazing...

Okay, so if there was ever a reason to fall in love with my friends, it's Halloween.

There are many more pics to come, and this post will be continually updated as more documentation of the weekend Halloween madness trickles in. These people are solid gold.


Sorry Katie and Scott. I've found my new polygamous lifemates. Seriously - could Rhya and Kyle be any more awesome? Answer: no fucking way. Sniff sniff. Move to Vancouver already, will you guys?



If you've seen the brilliant show Futurama, you know this is the best Zoidberg costume ever. If you haven't, you're probably saying something like someone at our party: "I still don't know what the girl in the pink oven mitts is".



In a twisted vortex of awesomeness, Joni and Mika go as Clinton and Randy to the Halloween party, and officially blow everyone's minds.




I think the universe just folded in on itself. Take that Stephen Hawking!



Twin Peaks has never looked so good. From left: Tony as Dr. Jacobi; Elaine as Laura "Dead" Palmer; Sheila as Agent Cooper;



I love this kid. Plus - he won 'Best Costume' at his school. Why? Because he's the greatest Headless Horseman anyone's ever seen.



It's Saturday night, so naturally you'll find Joni "Axl" McKervy, rocking out with her cock out.



Hey guys - let's party!



Party party!



KT as 'Tippy Hedron' from The Birds. Once again, showing everyone else how it's done.



Scott hates 'concept' costumes, so I probably won't tell him that he was clearly dressed as a one-man-party.



The height of concept costume. Jeff as an identity thief, aka 'how to get every girl at the party's name and number'.



Disco fairy hugs VIP lineup. All is right in the universe.



Hey! It's Steve, as every guy you went to high school with.



Joe as an IBM employee. Loves it!



I know, I know, it was a stupid idea - but I put it together in like an hour. What was I? A Danger Zone. Complete with shards of glass, a tattered electric cord, and almost (no time to print it) a sign reading 'Condoms are for Sailors'.

Nintendo Acapella

I don't know most of these games. Which means I am officially less nerdy than 100% of the people on stage here.

This is so clearly awesome that I haven't even listened to the audio, and I am still throwing it up on the blog like you threw your life away on drugs.

I am watching Entourage with the roommates, and so will have to wait until later to actually listen to this. So for the first time - I am as excited to see this video as you, my ignorant, ignorant readers.

Nintendo Rules the Internets!

Or, more accurately, a guy named Sean Reiley rules the nintenternets. His site - Seanbaby is a fun read - full of pop culture of all shades and flavours. Well, mainly comics and video games, but bear with me - it rules.

But obviously, what got one Beckstar's motor running is his expansive Nintendo section, which is pretty much the funniest thing ever. It's basically a plethora of obscure items from old Nintendo Power magazines, sections like Dear Nintendo, my life is a goddamn mess, a time capsule of Nintendo's most memorable fan mail.

A personal favourite? His Worst things to make Nintendo games about list, which breaks down the top ten worst ideas for video games. A well-timed favourite, at number 10 is, oh yes, a California Raisins video game. As he puts it:

The raisin shit was such a bad idea for a game it never even made it to stores. Don't think it was because someone noticed how stupid it was halfway through making it, or even better -- halfway through the sentence from the guy suggesting they make it. They finished the entire game. It was only after they were completely done when some video game designer finally took some damn responsibility and hid it where no children of American could get to it. I don't know. Or maybe the retail chains refused to sell it. Wal-Mart may sell Who Farted? hats and have an entire section for cow-sized spandex pants, but they at least have enough standards to refuse to stock a Nintendo game about singing raisins. Maybe.

I've got a MAD digicrush on this kid. Edit: even more so after looking through his photo galleries and seeing all of the delightful perversions he gets up to with my favourite erotic party troupe The Suicide Girls. Delicious.

Who wants cake?

This is actually someone's wedding cake, made by a bakery in Minneapolis.

I swore it would never happen, but if someone makes this cake for me - I would actually get married. Fine print: only if their name was Luigi and they were a tall Italian plumber with a pet yoshi, living in a magical mushroom kingdom. Boo yah!

Predestination...

So I was just looking up my birthdate on Wikipedia... you know, the kind of thing you do when you have 3 minutes to spare while a program restarts. That was me covering my ass because I've now sent this link to co-workers, and am worried about managing perception. It's downtime people!

Irregardless.

Lo and behold, what do I discover, but this amazing fact:

November 6, 1889 - Nintendo Koppai (Later Nintendo Company, Limited) founded by Fusajiro Yamauchi to produce and market the playing card game Hanafuda.

Okay, so first of all, who knew that Nintendo was founded in the 19th century?!?

Second of all, doesn't it make so much sense? No wonder I would trade everyone I love for ten minutes with these guys.



Although clearly I would use the ten minutes to end the tyranny of Mario, and make it the all Luigi show. Who doesn't love Luigi more? He's more laid back, cooler, and yes, I'll say it - hotter than Mario. But yet he's alway Player 2, he rarely gets his own game, and he's basically always living in Mario's shadow. I mean look at Mario up there, showboating his stupid head off while Luigi's all scratching his nose like he know's SOMETHING stinks. I'll tell you what stinks - Mario playing Midler to Luigi's whoever played the other person in Beaches.

F-that. Luigi rocks the Mushroom Kingdom. Word.

Blog, meet World. World, meet Blog.

Ten important things to briefly note, as I begin this foray into the blogosphere:

1. R Kelly's 'Trapped in the Closet' film is the most important cultural artifact of the new millenium.
2. Well-programmed robots would solve many of humanity's problems.
3. SuperMario3 is the best video game of all time. Period.
4. Pop culture is not the enemy.
5. Really long hair is super gross.
6. Cats are also pretty gross.
7. Reggae music should not be judged by its fans alone.
8. Hip hop music should not be judged by its lyrics alone.
9. In the universe as a whole, Earth is likely best known for its cola.
10. Good dance skills can make up for many shortcomings - in oneself, and in a relationship

I will be expanding on these, and other related or un-related topics, in this blog. Enjoy!