Weezy is totally the new R Kelly

Beckstar blog lovin' Lil' Wayne.

Beckstar blog what the hell is he talking about at 0:55?

Beckstar blog Weezy invented a new style of talking.

Beckstar blog I am seriously considering replacing R Kelly with Wayne in my heart.

Beckstar blog Weezy considers good sex to be a job.

Beckstar blog how do I become one of Weezy's goons?

Beckstar blog WOW WOW WOW.

Beckstar blog watching this video over and over while hungover from Pride fun.

Beckstar blog you will love this.

Realty Board Action Team!

Hello Becca.

I am concerned you may be missing and if I don't hear from you within 24-48 hours I will have to consider you missing and will report you to the Police and our Realty Watch network which fans out to all members of the Real Estate Boards in Canada.

Alan the building manager and I have discussed that this seems very un-characteristic of you therefore we must follow our suspicions.

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

We're looking for stopping power...

This is so good.



Anyone with experience in the agency world will relate to this. Brilliant!

The best movie of 2008...

This trailer made me laugh really hard.

It looks like a cinematic experience on the level with Crossroads, Glitter and Baby Geniuses. All of which I saw in the theatre. Don't judge me.

Beckstar reviews animated gifs of dragons

So I was reminiscing on one of my most popular posts - reviews of animated gifs of cats, and was inspired to log a similar entry. This time dragons.

This was an interesting project, because it highlighted a clear lack of understanding in our culture of what exactly a dragon is. Let's start with

Dragons are:

Yes. Dragons are flying, fire-breathing badasses. If this gif included some burning villagers, it would be pretty much perfect.

Dragons are not:

Turds with faces.

Sexy alligators.

Interested in world events, sports, editorials or comics. In fact, I'm pretty sure that dragons can't read. Period.

Bats with pants.

Now that we're on the topic, can we talk about cartoons and animals in pants?

I get that illustrators don't really want to draw the creepy loin region of these asexual subjects, and thus just toss on an oversized t-shirt or a pair of tight jeans. But for the viewers, this just begs the question of what exactly lives under these garments, which is infinitely more disturbing.

This is a gyrating freak show.

Not only does the creator of this gif imagine dragons to be obese, overly friendly try-hards, but the left hand is perpetually locked in a moment of obscene self-gratification. Can you imagine if this dragon was wearing pants?

My guess is that the dragon in this case is a thinly-veiled metaphor for the creator's "Fun Uncle Touch-a-lot". Sometimes the subconscious comes out in unexpected ways.

And then we have my personal favourite. Again... WTF?

iTunes by the Numbas

This little iTunes questionnaire comes to me by way of Sean Klassen via Kevin Broome, and is a cute little 'why not' meme.

This is my work iTunes library, which is fairly different from the one on my home laptop. I will repeat this exercise from home, and use it to draw over-stated conclusions about the difference between homeBeckstar and workBeckstar.

Here goes:

TOTAL LENGTH: 814 items, 2.2 days, 3.42 GB

FIRST AND LAST SONGS (BY TITLE):
-Abaixa E Pega :: Brazilian Funk Compilation [noted: the Alta Vista translator translates this as 'It Lowers and it Catches'. My hunch is that it translates more accurately to 'Drop that Booty and Get Yo' Man']
- 3030 :: Deltron

SHORTEST AND LONGEST SONGS:
- Vault Character :: Calvin Harris - 0.08
- Avalanches Mix for the BBC - 1:04:18

FIRST AND LAST ALBUMS (BY TITLE):
- The Action Packed Mentallist Brings You the Fucking Jams :: Kid 606
- 6 Feet Deep :: Gravediggaz
- (Z by Gonzales if we go by alphabet only)

FIRST AND LAST ARTIST (BY TITLE):
- Aesop Rock
- 1337 G33K B3AT
- (Zookeeper if we're going by alphabet only)

TOP FIVE MOST PLAYED SONGS:
Follow the Light :: Dungeon Family
Paper Planes :: MIA
I'm a Slave 4 U :: Britney Spears
Sweet Jane :: Cowboy Junkies
Tribulations :: LCD Soundsystem

SEARCH FOR THE FOLLOWING WORDS. HOW MANY SONGS SHOW UP?
Sex: 5
Death: 3
Love: 31
You: 76
Home: 4
Boy: 16
Girl: 55
Robot : 4
Nerd: 23

FIRST FIVE SONGS THAT COME UP IN PARTY SHUFFLE:
- Side Effects (featuring Young Jeezy) :: Mariah Carey
- Solstice :: Pit Er Pat
- Civilization Day :: Quasimodo
- The Undercover (Remix) :: Encore & G Luv
- Crazy On You :: Heart

Have I told you about my newish co-worker Kevin Broome? Yes, check him out, but please don't leave me for his articulate, interesting, insightful and amazing blog. I loved you first readers! I LOVED YOU FIRST!!!!

Betweein Kevin and the other new playa on the work scene, Leigh Peterson, the digital/interactive department is off the hizzy with talent. Makes it fun to come to work in the mornings. Awwwww...

Don't eat the gas station sushi!

Even if it is free with a fill-up.

Hooked on Phonics and Strategery

Well, it's not quite Stephen Colbert's sublime White House Correspondent's Dinner keynote, but Tim Robbins had some interesting things to say at the National Association of Broadcasters confab.

Check them out here.

Recent polls have shown...

... a fifty-first of Miss Teen USA 2007 delegates is jawdroppingly stupid.



This is either a moment of nerves taking over a brain, or an amazing insight into the world view of the extreme idiot.

You know, I always found the whole 'pageants are about academic scholarship' angle a bit dubious...

No, I don't get it either...

But this is insanely viral right now, and I thought, out of service to my readers, you should be ahead of the curve on this madness:



If someone says 'Youtube? Isn't that all just autistic kids with keyboards these days?', you'll know to what they refer.

The most dangerous animal...

You can tell by his soundtrack.

Index Card Magic!

Jessica Hagy is a writer out of Columbus, Ohio, who basically blew my mind with her amazing Venn diagramed social critiques, which she does daily on her indexed blog.

I think it's probably better to let the images speak for themselves, so with no further ado...









This last one is of such epic mind-bending proportions that I pretty much started a "Marry Me Jessica Hagy" campaign the moment I read it.

Random Faux-German Amazingness

Seriously though... wow.

Rube Goldberg meets Nintendo

The sexiest thing I saw on the internet today...

Atari to Beckstar: Honey, you wouldn't know what to do with me if you had me. Un huh!

Beckstar to Atari: Drooooooooool. Attempt to touch joysticks.

Canada is the new Estonia...

So you know how people are always saying that beef is the new chicken, white bras are the new tank tops and yeast infections are the new irritable bowel syndrome?

Yup, it's an annoying little phrasing that is so overused it's pretty much meaningless, but which we're all guilty of using once or twice.

You've got to love Leisure Art's contribution to The Diagram magazine, where they mapped every occurance of the phrase in various sources over the course of 2005. The resulting diagram is funny, nostalgic, and a good illustration of how an idiom reaches critical mass and becomes meaningless (see 'bling' circa 2003).


Check the full diagram here

My personal favourites? Space travel is the new HIV; cheese is the new morphine; and thug shooting is the new lovemaking.

Clearly.

I work mainly in kittens...

I dare you. Watch these paper-cut-out-style animations of adorable kittens rocking out to classic hits, and deny that we're living in a wonderful age.


The kittens cover Emerge by Fischerspooner.


Chinchillas. DMX. Consider that this video, and the genus mammal, are likely the only links between these two creatures.


And the amazing continues - Joan Jett as played by a kitten. You know which song.

This is all the work of UK artist/experimenter Joel Veitch from rathergood.com. He also does commercial work [see below] much in the same vein, as well as some interesting experiments which can be seen on the site. He's also a member of the ska band 7 seconds of love. He also... what... can breathe underwater?


I'm not sure what they're selling... but I'll take three cases.

Tony Danza, you hapless bitch

I hate this guy.

Partially because he plays characters named Tony so much it's become an obvious joke, and really, what is that?

Partially because he's just such an unbelievable douchebag*. I mean seriously - look at the guy.

Partially because he says stuff like this in interviews:

I think in a crazy way Eminem has got a sound. There’s something very different about what he does.

I mean I wish it wasn’t as vulgar as it is at times, but, there’s something about it that’s different, that I respond differently to, or the same way I used to respond to stuff when it was new. We may be in a little bit of slump.

In my act I do some songs from 1951, the year I was born. I say that’s the prevalent music of ’51 and now the prevalent music of today is rap-----and then I rap. I got an alter-ego. I don’t know if you know that. Italian Ice. (Laughs). I do some rap.

There is some rap put there that’s very good and different and not as vulgar, and uplifting. Even Tupac Shakur, if you ever heard his song “Dear Momma”, you say wow, this guy could’ve really been something as far as uplifting as opposed to the thug life that he chose.

* Douchebag is one of my 'Top Ten Socially-Acceptable Insults', coming soon!

Beckstar Reviews Animated Gif's of Cats!

I really really love this one. It's all 'broke down the fourth wall' conceptual metafiction, where the cat is all like 'meow! I'm in the computer!'.


I like the attention that the designer of this gif paid to the full cat face - movement in the ear hair in particular looks great. However, I can't say the same about the 'making it twitchy and kind of creepy' part of their vision.


I wish this animator had pushed herself a little further with the gestures. See No Evil Cat looks more like she's smelling her eye.


More awesomeness! Look carefully to see the movement in this animation. When you find it, try to get rid of the somehow dirty feeling it leaves you with. This is pretty much the exact visual going through people's heads when you hear them say "Yeah... I don't know what it is, I just find cats kind of creepy"


Seriously man, did you hear that? Oh shit, five-o is totally on our tails. No for real, did you hear that? Okay man, stay cool. Hold it together. Just play it cool. Aw shit, I know you heard it that time. Scrappy? Scrappy, you still here? I'm freaking out over here man!



I thought this one was weird-looking and kind of cool at first. Then I listened to it with Backyard Betty by Spank Rock, and I'm pretty much convinced it's the greatest thing ever. Check it out yourself by clicking the link!


Yeah, this is what I'm talking about. Tigers be some badass bizness boi!


Seriously people, be nice. The woman that made this is in the unfortunate metaphysical position of having a joyless, lonely life full of Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals.


Fluffy! Kiki! To your seperate corners. No cats need that much "grooming".


And my number one favourite cat gif of the all:

W. T. F.

Tom Waits on hip hop...

Hip-hop is still kind of the Old West. It's a reasonably unsettled territory and truly the cutting edge of blues. They're still trying to put hot sauce in a milkshake. No one is going to pull you over and give you a ticket for it because it's still defining itself.

From an interview with the Chicago Tribune