Fright Night!

So I have some mixed feelings about Halloween costumes, as will be detailed in my upcoming post re: costumes.

One thing I have no mixed feelings about however, is the excellence of Halloween horror films. When they're done well they scare the crap out of me. When they're not... they amuse me greatly. So, as a service to you, my oh so hapless readers, I present:

Beckstar's Top Three Craptastic Halloween Horror Flicks

3. Robo-Vampire

My pop culture genius brother introduced me to this exemplary piece of horror madness. Robocop versus Asian vampire gang? Hells yeah. Two completely different, abandoned, beyond-b horror movies hastily slapped together into a beautiful tapestry of budget special effects? Nonsensical. Hilarious. Perfection.


George Lucas, welcome to your worst nightmare.

2. The Stuff

My uncle Mike is a complete cinemaphile, and his massive collection focuses mainly on Godzilla, sci-fi, horror and b-movie. My brother and I found this gem in one of his many crates, and it blew our fucking teenage minds so hard I've barely recovered. We're talking about killer dessert product here people. Plus, it stars Danny fucking Aiello, and Vancouver washup Michael Moriarty as a character called 'Mo', who jokes about a hundred times that 'it's cause people always want mo'. So awesome I can't sum it up in one clip.


If you're plugging a product, I'd say go with overly medicated aging whore for spokesperson. They're cheap, plus so alarming you can't look away. Win - win!


Hey asshole dad! Have some more killer yogurt why don't you?

1. Halloween III - Season of the Witch

How this movie got made is truly beyond me. Although it is the third in the groundbreaking and genuinely scary Halloween/Michael Myers series, he doesn't appear at all. Instead, it features about the stupidest idea for a plot imaginable, wherein every kid in the world is convinced to buy the same three stupid-looking Halloween masks, which are triggered by a television commercial to kill them.

The theme song is inane, the movie is unbelievably budget, and the 'surprise' revelation, wherein it's tiny pieces of Stonehenge planted in the masks that cause the whole thing is so stupid you can't even handle it. It's so good that it has collected some tribute sites, including Watch the Magic Pumpkin, and the excellent Halloween Flash site. I highly recommend the 'Keltic Legend' sound clip, where a random angry guy lectures about how Halloween really began. Anything that ends with "this hills ran red with the blood of animals and children" is obviously awesome.


It's always good to stand there frozen in your best 80's attire while your child's head is leaking insects.


Yeah, watching this commercial would probably make my head explode too. Or is that just my epilepsy acting up again?