Somewhere, Bono, Jesus and Good Taste are holding each other and weeping...

This is so mindblowingly lame I can barely process it.

Check it: it's a video of a Bank of America corporate event, where two upstarts in the Manhatten office decided to write a heartfelt song expressing... well... fuck it - just watch this thing.

Update: This video seems to have been removed from the location it lived in online, most likely because the ghost of corporate future swept down on these gentlemen and showed them what unbelievable loser suck-jobs they were on the road to becoming. HOWEVER, I had the good sense to download a wmv file of this fantasticness - because I am the blogger who never forgets - and I will try to find a way to keep the vid alive.


These guys pull mad pussy at company picnics.

My personal favourite lines:

Have you come to meet Bruce Henners?
Have you come to meet Leah McGee?
Have you heard about Michelle Shepherd?
She's leading the team in the North East.

These guys should probably kill themselves immediately. Anytime you've incorporated the words 'We'll live out our core values' into a song, you have officially become less than human.

Besides, everyone knows that the only song bank dudes should be singing is this one:


Who would screw you? A question the guys above should be asking everytime they see their own reflection.

Things that make you go hmmmm...

... or more accurately, ewwww.


I make out with this guy every day. In ironic punishment hell, that is.


This grill - JAWS_NEW_EDITION - is #1 on a list of 'Top Ten Grills'. Sweet!

I found these while doing research for a work project, on a site called seemygrill.com. The best part is the comments people wrote about that last JAWS grill. Check it:

ill let you bite me just to feel your icy diamonds
- stacey (2006-04-16)

that is the pimp of the sharks he probably macks all the sharks that r girls
- josh white (2006-11-03)

DETROIT IS DA ONLY CITY WITH ANIMALS WITH GRILLZ
- BOSS (2006-09-15)

Rollin through da hood wit mah Big Teef Sparklin... Niggas aint laughin cause dey know my shit sharpened... Swimmin at da beach... tryin to find a deal.... eating off yo legs like a 3 peice meal.... My Name is Great Whitey.... The Shark of the East... My Grill be flashin rainbows... On Yo Ass Im gonna feast.... Peace
- GuardyaGrill (2006-06-14)

if he bit me da scar would freeze da ice would heal it
- dejon (2006-06-04)

YOU GRILLIN HARD TO BE A SHARK,ILL GET BIT BY YOU ANY DAY OF THE WEEK,WITH YO FRESH ASS GRILL,DAMN
- CHRIS (2006-04-16)

More funny on the site.

The fun doesn't stop...

This just got delivered to my desk...





Does life get any better than when you have the best brother ever who works at The Party Bazaar?

Carsten Holler. Holla!

So the age of patronage is alive and well. Unilever, that nebulous corporate chameleon, unveiled the new installation in their series at the Tate Modern on October 10th, an exhibit by fantastic scientist-cum-artist Carsten Höller.

This is the seventh in the Unilever-sponsored series in the massive Turbine Hall space, which has included exhibits from Louis Bourgeois, Juan Muñoz, Anish Kapoor, Rachel Whiteread, Bruce Nauman, and a totally amazing installation by Olafr Eliasson about weather, in which he basically built the sun. He is supposed to unveil a big collaboration with Louis Vuitton tomorrow, so more news about him later.

Moving on, Höller's exhibit also makes innovative use of the space, filling it with massive slides which people can ride. This is in line with a lot of his work, which explores large-scale interaction and physical space. Trained as a phytopathologist and agronomic entomologist, he specialized in insect communication for the first part of his career, and now works as an artist. Very cool stuff, informed by beautiful science. First we check out some of his fantastic past works, then we ride the slide, okay?


Upside Down Mushroom Room, 2000



Pink Sphere, 2001



on left:THE PLANT THAT IS BORED AND WANTS TO SEE MORE OF THE WORLD AROUND, 1994; on right: PLANT SUICIDE, 1994. Both are interactive - the bored plant moves around the space, and the suicide plant gets electrocuted as it grows.



Carousel, 1999-2000



KILLING CHILDREN II, 1992
The jerry can is filled with gas; if one rides the tricycle, the match burns the wick...

And now let's S L I I I I I I I E E E E E D E !


For Carsten Höller, the experience of sliding is best summed up in a phrase by the French writer Roger Caillois as a ‘voluptuous panic upon an otherwise lucid mind’. Me likey!

Panamanium!

Just giving a quick shout out to my good friend Raffi, who is in Panama teaching right now, and who is raising the bar big time down on the South American tip. Because seriously, how funny are these photos?

Consider the following:
1. He's in a Panama Day parade.
2. He made up, on the spot, a dance move called The Stethescope.

Check out more Raffi-goodness from Panama on his blog.


Proudly wearing the Panama colours.


I love how hard the girl behind him is laughing in this photo.


You don't do the stethescope... the stethescope does you, and you hang on for the ride of your life.

Next time I see this kid is when we all meet up down in Mexico for Christmas, after he and the inestimable Marina finish their tour d'amour of the Mexican countryside. Fun fun!

Your new favourite sport...

... is extreme jumping.

It's also called Parkour, or even monkeynastics. Point being - it's completely crizzazy.

Started in France by David Belle, it's purest form is based around the efficiency principle. Players are called 'traceurs' and the goal is finding the most efficient route to the destination, period. Vaulting over a twenty-foot wall is only a Parkeur move if it moves you more quickly to where you're going. From this principle comes some of the most amazing films ever.

You've also probably seen this more than a few times in ads - the Nike Presto spots with pioneer Sebastian Foucon; a Toyota Scion ad; and a Rogers Wireless ad to name a few. I can see why - Parkour footage is such an embodiment of creative urban rebellion and youthful adrenaline that it's pretty much a stock photo of a girl scowling with a pierced nose.

The video below is crazy rad - it's pretty long, and starts slowly, but what - you don't have eight minutes to give to real live urban ninja tricks?


Daaaamn! Wait until approx. the 2:30 mark (it's mainly training before that), and then hold on to your socks.

More insanity on the Parkour portal, on parkour.com and all over youtube.

Birthday! Birthday! Birthday!

I love my friends and family so much. I had a great birthday yesterday, and they are all so fabulous it's hard to believe.


What's that? Everyone at this table is totally awesome?


Sharing a laugh is always in good taste.


Marina bringing the good times, always. Jeff looking like the drunkest man in the Pacific Northwest.


Two women of incredible greatness.


Some of my favourite birthday presents - Marina and Christi.


The boys pulling face.


Probably a more charming photo if you don't know that I forced Jeff to pose for it.

Here's a fun fact - this is my 100th post! Oh blog, let's never spend another day apart, okay?

Mesmerizing flying dogs

So my friend Joni sent me this video, and I just had to share it with y'all. It's completely hypnotizing. It's done by Pleix, who I'd never heard of but who are evidently 'a virtual community of digital artists based in Paris. Some... are 3D artists, some others are musicians or graphic designers.'.

All I know is that sometimes the simplest ideas are the most visually striking. Plus, who doesn't love a good flying dog?


You know, our family dog Pepper looked just like this when my mom accidentally gave her Ritalin instead of flea meds.

Joe Eigo versus gravity.

Hey - if you're just going to toss your body around, you might as well get crazy like you're some weightless Bruce Lee puppet being handled by a hyperactive kid.

Always nice to see a good Canadian boy with amazing acrobatic skills, now in the Jackie Chan stunt team. This is some sick shit!



More stuff on his website - multilevelmoves.com. No doubt.

28 faces of the Beckstar!

Another narcissistic trip down memory lane, in honour of my 28th birthday, quickly pulled together before I go to dance dance dance to some Roger Sanchez tonight. Fun fun!

These photos would be slightly better if I had access to my full photo collection. As it still needs to be liberated from the old condo, I am making do with the small box of photos I have access to. There're still some classics here though - no worries.


1. As legend has it, I was born with my eyes open, and, instead of crying, looked around the room. As my personal version of the legend has it, I then gnawed through my own umbilical cord, stitched my mom up myself, and lit my dad's cigar.



2. All you hipster mustache guys, take note. Unless you're growing this kind of man-stache, you've got nuthin. Also notable: kisses from this whiskered face made me take a lifelong anti-mustache policy. Which maaaay have been broken here or there, as all sworn oaths should be.



3. Awwww, it's me and my mom. She looks really beautiful here methinks. It was her birthday three days ago, so.... yay for her!



4. I completely love this photo. Evidently I was jealous of the attention my baby/younger brother was getting, and so I stole his diaper cream and covered myself in it. A narcissistic bitch from early childhood, the headlines will read.



5. Here's my brother and I with Ollie, a demented fuck of a cockapoo with a taste for blood. After the tenth bite or so, our parents told us that he was "adopted by a family that lived on a farm". I think we all know the real story.



Lucky number 6. Wheeeeeee!



7. This photo rules for a few reasons. Obviously the cool matching hats (mine's under my arm), Cam's freakishly dapper hipster persona, and my 'thumbs-up to camping!' gesture are part of the magic. But the coolest thing about this shot? My shirt, which reads 'Think Young'. As our last name is Young, we found it to be probably the most badass hilarious t-shirt in history.



8. Dad. Cutest baby ever. Grandma.



9. Okay, so here's how dumb kids are. I was actually a pretty smart kid (at least that's what grown-ups kept telling me), and I still came to this bird sanctuary with the express plan to record the bird sounds, study them until their meaning became clear, and then be able to speak duck and rule the pond near my house. I dreamed about this plan for months. Also - that's my oldest friend Melissa there - 24 years and counting!



10. So I was about 14 in this photo. Note that I'm wearing a 90210 t-shirt. Now I'm turning twice that age... and season one is JUST NOW coming out on dvd. Damn you Aaron Spelling with your sublime trash!



11. Me at a sleepover. So hyperactive I always got sent to another room. See? They can't even hold me in frame!



12. The coolest thing about this photo is the pants I'm wearing. They're covered in stars, and I made them myself. I made another pair that were bright silver, but I believe they created a gamma ray pulse when photographed with a flash, so no evidence remains.



13. Yeah, sure you're cool and know a bunch of indie designers. But are you fashion international style '86? I think you are not sir.



14. Hey! It's me in Whistler with an alarmingly oversized baseball cap on backwards. Rocking the loser snowboarder styles... nice.



15. Me and the brother like to kick it old school. We like this photo because it looks so seedy... kind of like an expose on babysitters who drink.



16. Me in Paris with chocolate fondue and Mylene - one of the best friends I've known in this life... I miss you girl!



17. Me in an ultra-repulsive male strip club (aren't they all?). This homemade shirt is cut into a sweet fringe, and has 'classy lassy' written on it in marker. I glued some sequins on it to bedazzle the shit out of it, but they fell off at some point.



18. Here I am rollerskating in Beijing. In a rollerskating karaoke arcade. Yes, it did blow my mind.



19. Not too much to say about this one. It was December of my first year here in Vancity. And I loved that visor.



20. I'm in a cab somewhere in Beijing. I find this photo fairly odd-looking, and also that I oddly look sort of like Chloe Sevigny in it.



21. Hey! It's The Beckstar on a boat to Hot Springs Cove in Tofino.



22. Ah the good times in Beijing. This was the infamous 'mould cleaning' evening, where we discovered our illegal chinese housing was full of toxic black mould, and spent the night cleaning it. There may have been some slight paranoia at play here... but hard to say.



This was taken during a road trip down the Pacific Coast. I think this was in Oregon. In any case, it was the most poorly cared for aquarium ever. Right after this photo was taken, this (left) happened. I'm not ashamed to admit - I screamed and ran.



24. I really like this photo. It was taken in my good friend Nat's place, who is ridiculously awesome and yet another person I haven't seen or talked to in years. Le sigh.



25. The Beckstar at the Great Wall.



26. Playing in sand dunes. This photo is nice, but pretty boring. I'll probably swap it with something funnier tomorrow.



27. The package said 'Judy Fruity'... but we all know her as simply 'The Prosti-fruit'.



28. The Beckstar as Rambo. First Blood.